A Petty Little Thing Called Jealousy
by PBinMyBrain
Summary: Hermione never planned to fall for Draco… but that’s what happens when you combine a plan to make Ron and a mystery girl jealous, Ginny and "Deluxe Hyper” bars, an over partying Blaise and a hot blonde ferret. DRAMIONE
1. Chapter 1: The Mix in the Common Room

**A/N: **Evidently a bunch of people are reading this, so please review!!!! Everything is welcome but _especially _constructive criticism so I can make my story even better! Plus I realized I just forgot to put the line breaks in and I forgot the disclamer (technology hates me!! :) BTW please check out my profile and REVIEW!!!!

**Disclaimer: **This story is not mine and totally belongs to J. K. Rowling and please don't come and kill me for copyright infringement!

**Chapter 1—The Mix in the Common room**

On Christmas morning, Draco was alone in the common room, his Potions essay spilt all over the arm chair. It was 5:30 AM. He felt a stab of annoyance at the blizzard outside, preventing all of Hogwarts from leaving over Christmas break.

Meanwhile, Hogwarts was nearly in ruins. The entire Ravenclaw dormitory had been damaged by a huge gust of wind and an ice storm. Temporary housing had been set up in the Defense classroom for Ravenclaw while the Gryffindors had been mercilessly packed into the Slytherin dorm when their tower came crashing to the ground. Hoards of parents were threatening to remove their children from the school . . . if any of them could find their way through the blinding blizzard.

Dumbledore was no help. He had gone temporarily insane . . . again. He had ordered prefects to look after first years while he stayed cooped in his office never taking his eyes off of the Phoenix by Herbal Essences stocks. Occasionally he sent Harry to bring him lemon-infused soda.

Anything out of the ordinary seemed to happen. Living proof came of this as Blaise, who never usually woke before noon, trampled down the stairs looking murderous.

"I accidentally set my alarm in my sleep," Blaise murmured in response to Draco's arched eyebrow.

"Genius as always," Draco muttered. "Hey, do you know where I left the hot chocolate mix? I swear to Slytherin I left it right next to my essay."

"Um, well . . . it's not really my fault . . . you see because well . . ." Blaise sputtered.

"Blaise why did you give . . . wait did you keep the mix for yourself or did you give it to Ginny?"

"What's the right answer?" Blaise asked, blocking his head from punching range with a giant binder.

"Ginny, right? Yay," said Draco sarcastically. "Wait for it."

"What?" Blaise asked, throwing down the binder now that he was safe.

"5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2," Draco murmured, and on the last number Ginny, a second early, bounded down the stairs nearly vibrating with energy.

"Hi guys," Ginny said quickly, jumping around the room. "Guess what guess what guess what? Harry went to the hospital wing! I'm so happy I need to eat more chocolate! Chocolate! GIVE ME CHOCOLATE! Oh you guys are luuuuucky I got hot chocolate! I'M HYPER!"

"Nice going, Blaise," Draco sneered, eyeing Ginny as if she was scum on the bottom of his shoe.

"Lighten up Draco," Ginny rolled her eyes and kissed Blaise on the cheek. "It was _you _left the hot chocolate mix out."

"Yeah, dude," said Blaise.

"Isn't Harry going to figure out you're cheating on him?" Draco asked, rolling his eyes, knowing that Blaise really had no idea what was going on, just to agree with Ginny.

"What a stupid question," Ginny scoffed. "No because he is as oblivious as a pack of slugs, which is why no one will date him."

Then, she made out with Blaise. For a while.

"Um, hello, other person here!" Draco said, waving his arms.

"Draco can you go downstairs?" asked Ginny, mid-kiss. "You're making it awkward."

"Of course," he rolled his eyes and walked out through the portrait hole.

* * *

Draco had been sitting outside of Potions, his first class for the day, for a little under an hour, when Pansy strolled by, having mysteriously woken up before 10. If she had set her alarm clock in her sleep too, he might just die of irritation.

When she saw Draco, she gasped, eyes bugging out of her head, and ran back out of his sight.

Then, exactly ten seconds later, she walked by with a smug look on her face, her legs strutting to a beat, and an attempt at a model-esque flirty look on her face.

"Oh hi Drakey, didn't see you there," she said, raising an eyebrow towards her black bangs.

"I'm sure," Draco snapped, really irritated that Parkinson had interrupted him right in the last line of his History of Magic essay.

"You never used to be this bored," Pansy said, swiveling her head in a way that she thought was appealing. "Are you sure you don't need a little time with me to, you know, spice it up?"

"I'll take you up on that offer next time we go out," Draco said. "But for now, we're pretending that Thanksgiving never happened."

"Never?" Pansy said. "Because I remember it distinctly."

"Oh, you don't even know what that means," muttered Draco.

"I might not, but at least I don't deny the past," Pansy said. "You could meet me again you know. I forgive easily."

"Look Pansy you _know _I only kissed you because I was drunk," Draco muttered angrily. "We had been broken up for over two months at that point."

"Call it whatever you want, but I felt sparks," Pansy lowered her voice.

"Yes, I was blown away by your beauty," Draco murmured sarcastically.

"Of course you were," said Pansy coolly, ignoring Draco's dig. "There's no one not affected."

"Oh please," Draco scoffed. "I was more impressed that you managed to wake up before dinner."

"Oh yeah," Pansy said, stepping a little closer to Draco, a menacing glare pasted on her face. "Well _I _was more impressed that you . . . that you . . . er . . . managed to lose all that fat you gained."

Draco turned back to his History of Magic textbook, wondering what the hell Pansy was talking about.

* * *

It was another half an hour before the next person passed through the hallway.

"Nice crutches," Draco said, raising an eyebrow.

"Oy, you shut up before I make you!" said Harry, attempting to limp on.

"If only you had a sense of humor, then you could see how hilarious this is," Draco said silkily, tossing a piece of gum in the path of the Goth.

"You know so well that I got these uber-manly wounds—"

"You just said uber," Draco said with a smug look on his Adonis-like face. "You are the manliest wimp I've ever seen." He gave an eye roll.

"So what!" Harry shrieked, then nearly tripped on his crutches. "I got busted playing Quidditch with Ron at night and I got knocked off my broom by Filch."

"Filch!" Draco gave a sharp laugh. "Were you hovering two feet above the ground on a toy? Or were you just on the ground?"

"It was _three _feet for your information," Harry snarled, not liking it when people brought up his outdated broom and disgusting flight 'skills.' "And I still beat Ron!" Harry beamed proudly, while attempting to pry the gum off his crutch.

"That's like saying you beat a bran muffin with raisins," Draco laughed.

"No one calls my friend that and gets away with it!" Harry sneered, only it wasn't as attractive as Draco's sarcasm.

"Just cut the dramatics and curse me already," Draco fake-yawned and was about to toss some more gum at him.

"Really? No fight to the death speech?" Harry looked astounded, as if someone had just told him that Dumbledore had sworn off lemon drops. "Well okaaaaaaay, if you insist. You should have wanted a chance to say your last words. _Fernuncu—"_

Draco had punched him in the mouth, and Harry lay silent and still, his crutches lying around him.

Discreetly, Draco levitated Harry through the Potion door, hoping Snape possibly got blamed. Maybe then he could scrape an A in Potions.

* * *

An hour before Potions, a frantic Hermione Granger stumbled through the archway, her binders spilling everywhere. Draco rolled his eyes, but didn't have anything to return to. All of his homework was finished, and he couldn't face returning to the common room: they were probably throwing a Welcome Back party for Harry (what was that the millionth time he'd been in the hospital wing?).

Ugh. Just think: an hour stuck with that pathetic Mudblood Granger. Unlike Draco, she was not finishing her day's homework and reluctantly sat down next to him: it was either that or the floor, although it was only convenience to the classroom that Hermione was even within 10 feet of him.

"Malfoy," Hermione said, buttoning her white collared shirt another way up. She actually looked cute in her uniform top with the plaid skirt. Hermione made it seem very . . . not hot, but interesting. Even her hair seemed to look better than usual, tamed slightly, yet still with wild curls. Why hadn't he noticed her before?

Wait, wait, hold it. He hadn't noticed her before because she was an effin' Mudblood! And she was friends with wimpy Potter and muffin-like Weasley who couldn't afford the dirt under his own feet. And Ginny who was like a contaminated disease that curled through guy after guy until they were all sick.

"Gran—ger," he separated her name, trying to make up for the awkward silence.

Hermione seemed to be on the verge of a seizure, until she strangled herself into begrudging muttering, "Merry Christmas."

"Same to you, Mudblood," Draco said, wishing he had something to do other than stare at Hermione or the wall. "How's muffin-brain?"

"You mean Ron?" Hermione wore a shocked look on her face, and she twisted her hair around her thumbnail.

"Yeah, BFFs with the Goth who Lived," Draco said.

"Draco, I don't know whether to be more shocked that you know the word BFF or that you think Ron and I are dating," Hermione said.

Draco nearly barfed out his toast. "You considered _d-a-ti_ . . . urgh, I can't even say it! Seriously 'Mione you dated a guy who's not even human?"

"Why are you calling me 'Mione?" Hermione asked suspiciously.

"It's a hell of a lot better than Hermione, which must have been descended from some circus clown," Draco said. "And damn why are you calling me Draco?"

"Are you calling my mother a circus clown?" Hermione said, pushing her binders to the side.

"I think you know that I'm calling your mother something ten times as bad," Draco snarled.

"I think you're lucky I don't curse you," Hermione said. Draco had never noticed how her face puffed up when she got mad. It was slightly endearing, but not enough to get him to stop himself. She was rude and arrogant and she completely deserved it.

"I think I'm lucky you don't have the brains for Cruciatus." Hermione's lips twitched as Draco spoke and the way her hair stuck up looked like it was ready to explode.

"I think you should flush your head and live in the sewers with rats who still might have a higher GPA than you! And one day, you will even be thrown out of the sewers! And you will look for the subway but you'll be a hell of a lot too ugly to get on. When you try for the next one, you'll meet an ugly old lady wearing pancake make-up and neon pink eye shadow. You'll get married until she kicks you out and you end up living on the streets where a vampire comes and kills you, as your blood flows all around you. I will spit in your blood as I walk by."

"That was really epic, Granger," Draco fake-dabbed his eyes. "Spit on my blood! What do you think this is: some corny soap opera?" He roared with laughter.

"If this were a soap opera, we'd have kissed by now, and you'd have mentioned something about always loving me, when in actuality I am about to kick your arse from here to California." Hermione screeched, tearing Draco's essay into shreds.

"Which I'm sure you'd love!" Draco yelled, kicking her school books down the hallway. "You geek, always trying to fool me into talking to you!"

Hermione blushed. "You wish! How you're always eyeing me in the hallways, taking a step closer and then running away, all because some stupid muffin told you too! And what'd you do to Harry, leaving his crutches here! You just beat on people because you're too much of a selfish pig to admit how insecure you are!"

"Stupid muffin," Ron's voice descended down the steps. "Were you talking about me, 'Mione?"

"Quick," Hermione hissed. "Put the bench back."

In two seconds, Draco did his best to reassemble the best and he sat next to her.

"So it's just horrible that we have lessons over the holidays, isn't it?" Hermione said loudly.

"You are a horrible actress," Draco whispered through clenched teeth.

"Why are you with him, 'Mione?" Ron asked as he walked down the stairs. "Why are you talking? Why are you together? Why aren't you in a fist fight?"

"Ron, relax," Hermione rolled her eyes. "We're just both early."

"There's something you haven't been telling me, isn't there?" Ron asked, his eyes looking like a dejected puppy's . . . if that puppy had gone and poisoned itself with Dork-itis.

"I hate him," Hermione said to Ron. "Watch closely." And she slapped Draco, leaving a giant red mark across his face.

"50 points from Gryfindor, I believe," Snape's voice loomed over them.

"You don't understand Professor," Hermione said, feebly. She could never argue against Snape.

"Have some Christmas spirit, Snape," said Ron sarcastically.

"That's another 10, I believe," said Snape silkily. "Come along, Mr. Malfoy, Ms. Granger, and others." Snape sneered.

"I'm the only other here," Ron pointed to himself.

"Ron," Hermione shook her head, and collected her binders, as the rest of the class filed in, with Parkinson in the lead, attempting to cozy up to Draco.

"You really want to get to him?" a voice in her ear whispered.

"Ack," Hermione said, not sure on whether to say yes or no.

"Meet at Honeydukes at 4," Ginny spoke softly. "Trust me, I've got an entire line of people at my disposal."

Hermione attempted to make her lips form the words "I don't like Draco. Not that way. Not in any way."

But she couldn't, her lips wouldn't move.

She was in love with Draco Malfoy.


	2. Chapter 2: Death by Chocolate

**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW! I AM DESPERATE! IF YOU HAVE READ THIS STORY AND LIKE IT PLEASE JUST SAY SOMETHING! IF YOU DON'T . . . SAY SOMETHING ANYWAYS! **I am the review monster!

**Chapter 2—Death by Chocolate**

Despite the blizzard, Hogsmeade was packed, and it had only taken 20 minutes to hike down the hill in the cold. Maybe the snow was easing up and they could all go home soon!

It was 3:59 and Hermione was rushing to Honeydukes, having just gotten out of after-school Potions. It was more a suck-up session to see could raise their grade just by complimenting Snape's grease, but Hermione had religiously came every day.

Ginny arrived shortly after, clutching a cosmetics bag as big as Ron's appetite. "Time to work," Ginny breathed. "This is going to be pretty harsh. But suffering builds character, right 'Mione?"

"Um, no," Hermione said. "Do I really have to hear how hard this is going to be?"

"Yes," Ginny said. "I had to bring in a couple of wannabe hairstylists _and _a professional dermatologist. Your pimples are like super-powered."

"As bad as Snape's?" Hermione hissed through the thick curtain of her hair. Why was this happening in public?

"No," Ginny reassured her. "But your hair is. Lavender, Parvarti," Ginny knocked on the bag. "Come on out."

"Wow, you know I never appreciated being small before," Lavender squealed, a miniature version of herself walking out of the bag.

"I had to shrink them to bring them here," Ginny apologized. "They're supposed to be working on their homework."

"ENLARGE ME NOW!" Parvarti screeched. "Any more of this rattling around in a bag and we might get," she shuddered. "FRIZZ!"

"Split ends check," Lavender said, and she yanked of couple of Parvarti's strands into her manicured hands. "You're good. Me?"

"Fine," Parvarti sniffed. "Although it's a little hard to see when I'm so small."

"All right, all right," Ginny passed them the enlargement potion. "Drink a third of it each."

Parvarti and Lavender glugged up a lot of the bottle, and immediately reached Hermione's height.

"Who's the dermatologist?" Hermione asked.

"Well it was going to be Snape," Ginny said. "But he didn't want anything to do with Gryffindors."

"How racist," Parvarti huffed.

"So Lavender's going to take over for your skin," Ginny said. "Plus shoes, because she's absolutely obsessed."

"YAY!" Lavender cheered, and took out a bottle of Neutrogena.

"Parvarti's doing hair," Ginny said.

"Woo!" Parvarti and Lavender raised the roof, before immediately looking business-like again, clutching the Proactive and hair dryer in a threatening manner.

Hermione shuddered.

"And I'll take make-up," Ginny smiled evilly, and hiked the bright pink cosmetic bag up on her shoulder. "And we're all on guy advice. Raise the roof! Raise the roof!" Ginny started dancing, but everyone else just stared. "Awkward," she said, and rushed through the Honeydukes door.

"Why are we in Honeydukes?" Hermione asked, not sure she wanted to know why her makeover was getting public.

"In the dormroom, Parkinson would be giving us crap," Ginny rolled her eyes.

"Desperate!" Parvarti and Lavender shrieked together.

"And because I'm such a big customer," Ginny said. "Honeydukes owes me a fav. So everyone's going to leave soon and then, IT'S PARTAY TIME!"

"Hello, ladies!" a voice with a Southern accent called from behind the counter. "Did you hear about our Christmas special? We have more selections than ever and you can get it all for cheap, plus with an easy burst of hyper-ness! Christmas special! Christmas special!" The man straightened his cap and winked at Parvarti, who giggled and turned to Lavender to gossip in whispers.

"Christmas special?" Ginny's eyes bugged out. "Guaranteed hyper-ness?"

"No, Ginny!" Hermione shrieked. "It's time for my makeover! You promised you'd help! And if you eat too much you could probably die from hyper-ness! It's not healthy for any of us! Just resist the urge, Gin. Resist the urge. What would Blaise say if he was here now? And what about Ron when you get back: he might kill you out of fury!"

"Christmas special!" Ginny shrieked, driving the straggling customers out of the building in fear.

"NOOOO!" Hermione shrieked, lunging for Ginny's ankle. But she missed and Ginny was set loose on the shop.

"Chocolate Frogs!" Ginny screamed, stuffing her face with melted chocolate amphibians, wrappers and all.

"Parvarti! Lavender!" Hermione yelled over the chaos of falling sweets. But Lavender and Parvarti were too busy giggling at the cashier to even notice Ginny's insanity.

"Cockroach Cluster! Sugar Quill!" Ginny bounded from candy to candy, as cockroach legs fell out of her mouth and sugar quills disappeared from the shelves as if being Vanished.

"You've lost your mind, Ginny!" Hermione shouted, attempting to push Ginny out of the way of the candy. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

"Gawaderjjdairuj," Ginny said, as a chunk of lollipop fell into her mouth. She was insane and in a trance. Her brain probably wasn't even working yet.

Hermione fell to the ground, wondering what Draco would do.

**Meanwhile . . .**

"Ron, you're being an idiot," Harry spoke. "If Fred and George gave you something for an instant smart boost, you should try it."

"But didn't they say it was for Ginny" Ron said, puzzled as he stared at the little pink bottle in his hands. "It's pink, after all."

"Come on, don't you want that O in Potions! You'd never have to work again! You could become the next Minister of Magic without even trying!" Harry wasn't sure why he was encouraging Ron to take it: after all, if it was so great, Harry should've stolen it for himself. But Ron really was an idiot, and being associated with him was nearly as bad as being caught worshipping Snape. "Just try it."

"Um, but, what if it actually makes me stupider," Ron said, looking at the bottle with a depressed look on his face. "It _is _Fred and George's after all.'

"Yeah, and Fred and George have made millions off this stupid thing," Harry reassured him. "Now if you don't, I will. Plus you might figure out how to help your sister and her rehab program."

"Ginny's on drugs?" Ron looked up, momentarily forgetting about the little bottle in his hand.

"For candy," Harry said. "I _am_ her boyfriend." He puffed up his chest with pride. "Now on the count of three, you're going to drink it! 1 . . . 2 . . . 3."

And Harry pushed the contents into Ron's mouth. Ron's face made a nasty contortion, but then he was back to normal again, except his eyes were a little manic.

"Harry," Ron said, in a voice that was still his, but injected with the tone he had talked to Lavender with in the beginning of this same year. "I'm so glad you could be here right now."

"Um, okay," Harry said, backing away slightly.

"I've waited a long time to tell you this," said Ron, his eyes shining and his voice fluttering breathily in a very graceful and un-Ron-like way.

"Yes Ron I know you ate my socks," Harry sighed, irritated. As much as he pretended that he didn't mind, mustard yellow socks were always the highlight of his year—although he was sure to keep them hidden under his Goth attire.

"I would never harm you or your possessions!" Ron cried. "I love you, Harry!"

"You're right Ron," Harry said. "That potion did make you stupider. That joke isn't even funny."

"You think my love is a joke," Ron looked hurt.

"Well, Ron," Harry said reasonably. "What else could it be? Now if you'll excuse me . . ." Harry ducked under Ron's arm and made a beeline for the common room. Ron would be too embarrassed to continue his charade there.

"MY LOVE!" Ron screamed, following him at a brisk jog.

Blaise and Draco both looked up in surprise.

"I was wondering when one of them would crack," Draco said under his breath.

Blaise laughed in his stupid thug-like manner. "I wonder which one will wear a dress at prom."

"Harry will have moved on to Snape by then," Draco cackled, and Blaise joined in.

But before Harry could respond, Ron was nearly on top of him.

"GIT!" Harry screamed behind him, although he wasn't sure whether he was talking about Ron, Draco, or Blaise. "Stop following me, Ron!"

"But, my love! It pains my heart to be away from you, the Hot one who Lived!" Ron shrieked, still running behind him.

Harry kept running, wondering how long it would take for Hermione to find an antidote. Suddenly, he swerved left, out of the door.

Hermione was in Hogsmeade with Ginny, and one of them always had the solution.

Well, it was either them, or Snape.

**Back at Honeydukes . . .**

Hermione had collapsed on the floor, while Parvarti and Lavender were next to her. Ginny was still sprinting around the aisles, yanking random products off the shelves. Even the cashier had left, and it was only four Hogwartians who were left in the store.

"Look 'Mione!" Ginny screamed. "IT'S THE ULTIMATE DELUXE HYPER BAR!"

"Don't eat that Ginny! Don't you dare even touch that!" Hermione screamed, and attempted to yank the bar off the shelf before Ginny could reach it. But she failed, and Ginny had already shoved the entire bar down her throat.

"WAAAAAAAH!" Ginny screamed so loudly that every single window broke. "HERMIONE ISN'T THAT FUNNY? I BROKE THE WINDOWS!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

"You idiot!" screeched Hermione, who tossed a bottle of Neutrogena at her, but Ginny was so insane, that she did a handstand (resulting in toppling over) and deflected it. It was like watching someone drunk. "Parvarti, you can do an amazing Incarcerous, right?"

"Yeah?" Parvarti raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty good."

"You know what to do," said Hermione, making it obvious.

"OH!" screeched Lavender, who quickly whispered the plan to Parvarti, who withdrew her wand and looked around dramatically.

Parvarti concentrated, her eyebrows drawn together, while Lavender looked on breathlessly.

"NOW!" screamed Hermione, as Ginny came flipping across the aisle.

"_Incarcerous!"_ Parvarti yelled, and thick ropes bound Ginny to the side of the aisle.  
"NO FAIR, 'MIONE!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" Ginny giggled deliriously, and pulled at the ropes around her. "I NEED MY CANDY TO LIVE!!!"

"We're keeping you there until your done with you hyper ness."

"That ccccccccould bbbbbe days!!!!!!!" Ginny was smiling with manic eyes, stuttering over letters.

At the moment, a distraction arrived in the form of Harry.

"Hermione!" gasped Harry breathlessly, punching the door open. "HIDE ME!"

"What? Why?" Hermione asked, furrowing her brow. "There are no Death Eaters planning on killing someone during this big of a snow storm."

"Not Death Eaters! Ron!" Harry choked.

"Ron!" Lavender and Parvarti squealed, who both tried dating him, and still thought he was cute, even after enduring his muffin-esque ways.

"Harry, my love!" Ron cried from outside. "Let me in to see my love! I shall kill all of those who stand in my way!"

Hermione raised her eyebrows.

"I don't know!" Harry sputtered, exasperated. "All of a sudden, he was just like 'I love you, Harry!'"

"I really do!" Ron's muffled voice came through the doors. "I want to spend my eternity with you!"

"Harry, we'll deal with this later," Hermione said, as Harry opened his mouth to protest. "Right now, we need to get Ginny back from her hyper-ness. Until we can deal with it, you're just going to have to do what he wants . . . like go out with him."

"URGH! NO!" Harry screamed.

"Yes, let us go to Madam Puttifoot's right now!" Ron shrieked from behind the doors.

With one chastising look from Hermione, Harry sighed, applied some black Guyliner, and ran through the doors near Ron, who ecstatically dragged him through the snow.

Hermione, Lavender, and Parvarti all eyed Harry, with jealous expressions on their faces, wondering how they could date Ron, with his hot muffin-ness.

"Girls," Hermione turned to the quaking Lavender and Parvarti. "The makeover has to wait."

"Because Ginny's delirious?" Parvarti snorted.

"That," Hermione nodded. "And because I've got a plan. Lavender, head to the common room, and Parvarti, stand in the hall between Potions and the Great Hall. If either of you see Draco, tell him to meet me in the Room of Requirement." Hermione flashed a mischievous grin.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo," Lavender and Parvarti squeaked.

"We so will! We so will!" Lavender squealed.

"And if you see Ron, tell him where I am too," Parvarti said.

"Ta ta!" they screamed, yanking the doors open in to the freezing cold.

And Hermione, giving one last smile to Ginny's gagged cries, nearly skipped out the door, wondering if the Room of Requirement was up for her request.


	3. Chapter 3: Mystery Girlfriend

**A/N: **Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed or pm-ed!!! I seriously appreciate all of the advice and responses!! Anyways, as suggested, Ginny will not be insane in this chapter, since it was getting a little old also. Unfortunately, Ron and Harry's date is put on hold for a while since these are all chapters from the back of my computer hard drive and then after I stop opening old fic chapters, I will have their date (that will be approximately chapter 5 or 6)

Also because I have been told by many people that this chapter is confusing I am posting a quick plot summary at the **BOTTOM OF THE CHAPTER!!! SERIOUSLY, FOR ALL OF YOU WHO ARE TOTALLY CONFUSED PLEASE READ!!**

**Also, for those of you who are confused, can you please just tell me why? It is very infuriating when you try and figure out where people are getting lost.**

Oops, nearly forgot to disclaim: **I do not own this series in any way! **

**Chapter 3—Mystery Girlfriend**

"What up, Blaise?" Draco murmured, tossing his binders onto the Peanut Butter Collage, in the center of the Slytherin table with lots of other normal parents' presents. But Lucius still served for the insane Dark Lord, who basically used any excuse to eat peanut butter. Narcissa had sent him a giant pink-ribboned box of My Little Hippogriffs, but these were way to embarrassing to open in public.

Blaise was wearing a hoodie that advertised some concert or whatever, and a giant pair of sunglasses that looked way too sparkly and pink to be a guy's. In fact, he was also wearing a long peasant skirt, and some mustard yellow socks that used to be Harry's before Parkinson stole them, and then Blaise obviously borrowed them from her. An orange scarf covered the area where his mouth should have been, rather than some crazed outfit that obviously meant Blaise had to have attended the Potter party and gotten drunk . . . . again.

"Um, mate, is there something you want to tell me about your little girl outfit? Did your Mom send you spiked cauldron juice again?" Draco joked, but was seriously worried. What if he pulled a Weasley on him? Sure Draco liked worship, but if Blaise wanted to kiss him, he'd have to settle for Crabbe and Goyle's praises.

Blaise put a hand on his shoulder, which was covered in a black thug glove. "Hermione's looking for you," he lowered his scarf, and his mouth was covered in lip gloss. "It's me, Draco." It wasn't Blaise after all. It was her. She laughed when she saw Draco's stunned expression.

"Granger? What does she want, another fist fight?" Draco scoffed, although secretly his heart pounded inside his robes and he wondered whether or not he should go for a "bad boy just-in-detention and can't-wait-to-talk-to-you 'do" or a "why are you disturbing me and my awesomeness? look." Luckily, Lucius, as their spokesperson, had taught him all of his Garnier Fructis needs.

"You're lucky I fall for your hate act," she purred. "Everyone knows the huge crush she has on you."

"Well who can resist me?" Draco said, raising his eyebrow.

"You are hot," she said, her voice grazing the edge of the words in a way that made Draco realize why he had fallen for her. "But seriously, you have to meet her. I can't tarnish my image as an undercover."

"I'm not asking you to spy on anyone," Draco spoke.

"You're so innocent," she laughed harshly. "Kiss me."

And she wrapped her arms around him, pressed her body up against his, and made out for a long time, with her foot popping up like in all of those romantic movies.

"WOO!" shrieked Blaise, staggering in on a crooked line, his eyes hazy.

"I'll handle Blaise's hangover," she rolled her eyes. "Take care, Malfoy." She flirtily slapped him.

"See you," said Malfoy and walked out, ready to meet Hermione.

"Malfoy, hi," Hermione said, nervously.

"Why does this look exactly like my room at home?" Draco said, eyeing the room like it was poison. It was actually close to it, and Draco almost couldn't believe that he slept here every night over the summer. The room was small and could barely fit the two of them, and it was crammed with fancy, neglected furniture, covered in dust. There was a hot pink couch that Narcissa didn't want, and piled on top of it was an antique lamp painted a dull gold. A giant poster of Lucius in his flower power days as a Garnier model, was embarrassingly covered with something even more embarrassing: _another _giant unopened box of My Little Hipogriffs. Although the center was covered in a pile of disgusting fake antiques, the bed was alone in a little corner. It was completely covered in dust, coming from a hole in the ceiling.

"Don't go all stalker-crazy on me!" Hermione screamed, bracing herself for an attack. "I just asked the room of requirement to help me convince you . . . um. And it came up with this."

"Um what?" Draco raised his eyebrow suspiciously. Did she want help sucking up to Snape? Because he was _so _not spending any more time with that girl/guy than he needed to. So what if he was a Slytherin! He was in the Order and spelled out no good for all Death Eaters and _that _would be the end of his supply of free Guy-liner samples from Avery.

"Well, here's the deal," Hermione breathed. "Ron's going out with Harry now." She waited . . . for what? A scream of death, a choke of bad images, a seizure of disgustedness? If Draco wasn't so creeped out by his room, he probably would have had some bizarre combo of all of them! Almost as bad as Snape's potion of emotion! Rhyming was so bad and inevitable. It was _so _irritating.

"Hermione everyone on the planet knows that, because I sold a picture of them over the Internet," Draco rolled his eyes.

"Okay well you're not helping me make this easier," Hermione muttered, her hair sticking up in such weird ways. It was kind of cute, if you considered it from more of a modern art perspective.

"What, 'Mione? Spit it out. You seemed to have no trouble throwing a giant spit rocket all over Snape," Draco said, getting irritated. Who knew how much homework he had? Plus, he'd have to make sure to get Blaise functioning normally again and give him the whole "over 0.08 is illegal" speech . . ._ again_. It was like parenting, except you were really ruling over an evil dictatorship. That just _happened_ to consist of one person.

"That was to put out my _potion_, Malfoy," Hermione frowned. "Now do you want to say yes or no? I'm sure you could get a girlfriend by doing it too."

"Need I point out to you that . . ." then Malfoy remembered the whole 'spy' factor going on with his sometimes-insane girlfriend. "That I haven't heard your idea yet."

"I'm going to say it really fast," Hermione breathed in. "I think we should go out to make people jealous." She held her breath, like she knew a giant blow-up was coming.

"WHAT?!!!!" Draco shrieked, tearing the Lucius poster in half out of fury. "Wouldn't it turn off people who wanted to date me? And what about my rep? You're an ugly little Gryffindor MUDBLOOD!"

"Let it out," Hermione muttered. "Let all of your anger out, and _then _you can reasonably talk to me."

"NO I WON'T!!!" Draco screamed. "I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK! HAVE TO DEAL WITH DRUNKEN BLAISE—"

"Again," Hermione muttered.

"YES, AGAIN!" Draco yelled, attempting to rip a pillow in half. "PLUS I HAVE SOME GIRLFRIEND WHO WON'T REVEAL HER IDENTITY TO ANYONE! AND IF I GO OUT WITH YOU SNAPE WILL GIVE ME A DETENTION! AND WHAT IF I NEED TO RANT? YOU'LL GO ALL THERAPIST ON ME! AND I'M **ALLERGIC **TO YOUR BLOOD! SERIOUSLY, I HAVE AN ALLERGY TO MUD!"

"You sound like Ron," Hermione breathed dreamily.

"URGH!" Draco sighed, then collapsed on the couch, before realizing what color it was, and quickly using his wand to paint it black.

"So," Hermione squeaked, afraid that the rant wasn't over. "What's the answer?"

Draco was quiet, sitting on the now black couch that Narcissa would probably punish him for later. There was the fact that Hermione was cute, but more importantly there was the fact that she was smart. She could probably figure out anything, but she was oblivious as ever to the nature of people. She probably thought Draco had a girlfriend and was doing him a favor . . .

"Please!" Hermione gasped. "You're the only person Ron's really jealous of!"

"Ah, so this is about Ron is it?" Draco smirked. He had her trapped.

"Well yeah," Hermione blushed. "BUT IF YOU TELL ANYONE YOU WILL BE SO DEAD! I mean it, Malfoy, and don't think for a second I won't AK you right now!"

"Relax, 'Mione," Malfoy reclined, digging out a pack of Sun chips he'd buried in the couch cushions. Hermione eyed him in disgust as she eyed the expiration date. "I'll do it."

"THANK YOU! SOOO MUCH!" Hermione hugged him, and nearly cried all over him.

"Get off me Mudblood," Draco spat. "I have a couple conditions."

"Well I'm first," Hermione eyed him evilly.

"Whatever."

"Number one," Hermione said. "You have to actually act. Like you like me! It doesn't have to be too good but you can't tell anyone it's fake. That's it."

"Wow, pig," Draco said. "You obviously love me way too much." Hermione rolled her amber eyes. "So number one, you have to help me find the identity of my girlfriend."

"Done," Hermione crossed her legs and smiled triumphantly. "I can do that in a night, as long as you're with her, alone."

"May I ask how?" Draco said.

"No," said Hermione. "Maybe I'll tell you someday I don't absolutely detest you."

"Not likely ever then," Draco said wistfully. "Okay, condition number two, you have to get hotter."

"Done," Hermione said. "As long as you get smarter. If we go public, someone jealous is going to rat it out to our parents, and mine don't settle for anything below an E."

Draco's jaw dropped open, wondering whether he could bribe his Dad with a padded bra to let him off the hook on this one. If not that, then at least a bottle of hairspray would do it. As for Narcissa, he had one quick errand to make . . .

And with that, they both left the room, Hermione with a giant smirk on her face, wondering how Draco could do this without her coming out on top.

_Dear Dad,_

_I'm going to come right out and tell you that . . . your hair looks great. How's Yaxley and his marshmallow animagus? What about his weight watchers program?_

Draco had been doing this with his letter for this past hour, scratching out and rewriting parts, and still was trapped on the first sentence.

"Blaise?" asked Draco wearily.

"Yep," Blaise looked up from Draco's homework which he was completing has his (as Draco put it) "evil citizen of dictatorship" privileges. Draco had assured him it would be fun, and he was enough of an idiot to believe him. Blaise had been struggling for two hours with just the first sentence of History of Magic. Looks like Draco was pulling another 5 AM wake-up call.

It was Christmas. And he was doing homework. And he was dating Hermione Granger while his real girlfriend remained completely mysterious.

Happy holidays! He thought bitterly.

"Know what, just goodnight Blaise!" Draco huffed angrily, and snatched up his homework. "I'll do it tomorrow."

"Hey! I was about to strike inspiration!" Blaise protested.

"If that inspiration was something other than Ginny's name over and over again, I would be proud to hear it," Draco snapped.

"Fine," Blaise shrugged his shoulders and trudged towards the dormitory. It was nearly 11:00 and none of his homework was even started, and neither was . . .

"Wait!" Draco called after Blaise, who stopped in his tracks. "I have something for you to work on."

"A dictatorship project!" Blaise sprinted back and rubbed his hands together in excitement. "Do you have beer?"

"No, Blaise," Draco said. "So what you do is find a girl wearing clothing that covers all of her body, nearly all stolen from other guys."

And Draco figured it out.

"Blaise, bring Ginny Weasley over here."

"Okaaaay," said Blaise. "Can I be Bodyguard for Dictatorship #1?"

"No, that sounds lame," complained Draco, turning back to the piece of ripped parchment. "Just tell her I need to talk to her with a cup of tea." He could only hope that Ginny understood the code.

"Err, TTYL," said Blaise, frowning as he strode towards the girls dorm.

Ginny made the final snip, having been cured from her hyper attack by a passing Professor Trelawney, who believed that the Grim wanted to take mercy from her. It had been a long day.

But, as she dotted the last swish of mascara on her masterpiece, she twirled the chair around, the face to the bright mirror.

It was a picture titled Hermione Granger, but it looked like a completely different portrait.

Malfoy would drool.

**A/N: **So what do you think? That was actually a little more contained than usual. The plot is finally starting to come in! Review and let me know!

And here is the plot summary you've all been waiting for:

**Draco makes out with his mystery girlfriend (he doesn't know who she is). This mystery girlfriend is disguised with a bunch of other guys' clothing. She leaves to go help Blaise and his alcoholism. Then, Hermione wanted to convince Draco to date her. She meets him in the Room of requirement. The Room of Requirement brought her to an exact replica of his room. Draco says yes. Blaise starts doing Draco's homework but then Draco gets him to stop. He calls Ginny over. But Ginny is busy doing Hermione's makeover.**

**WARNING: THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL PROBABLY BE POSTED TOMORROW OR THE NEXT DAY AND MAY HAVE MORE RANDOMNESS THAN YOU ARE USED TO!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks soooo much for all of your reviews! And of course, thanks for reading! Okay, so I have one quick thing to say: the next chapter will probably be slightly delayed because rather than dig it up in my ancient computer files, I need to actually write it. I have none of it done so far, so keep reading and reviewing (they fuel the writing!) and hopefully I'll post ASAP!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns everything and I'm sure no one actually cares about this disclaimer so let's keep going . . . **

* * *

**Chapter 5—Caving In**

* * *

"We might have to camp out in the HALL!" Pansy wailed, not for the first time. "I can't BELIEVE that we're not actually going shopping, Ginny, you liar!" Pansy glared at Ginny, sticking closer to her new BFF Parvarti.

"Stuff it Parkinson before I make you," Ginny moaned, but after dragging her feet halfway across campus, she was just as tired as they were. If only Trelawney and Hermione hadn't searched the dorms for all her chocolate . . .

"Totally true!" Lavender squealed. "It's so gross so we'd probably have to do some online shopping and get a giant fake s'mores pit and some hunting hats to look in style and probably some cool camping shoes . . ."

As Lavender rambled on, Hermione was deep in thought. If Draco was attacked and was hurt, would she care? Well obviously he was attacked but was he hurt? Since when had ferrets and snakes mattered to her? If he did matter why wouldn't she have asked him out as more than a fake boyfriend? Answer that! Ha!

_Maybe _said a nasty little voice in her head. _It's because you were afraid he'd say no! NO NO NO NO!_

It was a wimp's move and Hermione fainted, just as Draco Malfoy rounded the corner, his face scratched and dirty, hair matted and stiff, and a cruel glare in his eyes rebounding off of Ginny and Pansy.

"I want to know," Snape drawled, a giant fire poker in his hands. "Who would take it in their head to injure such a pathetic Hermione Granger?"

Snape's office: depressing as it was, was packed with the "Gryffindor Goth groupies," named partially by Ron and Harry and the "Sexy Slytherins," as christened by Pansy and Ginny. If Hermione had been there, she would have rolled her eyes.

"She's not pathetic!" said Harry hotly.

"NO! DEAREST HARRY! ARE YOU MAD? WHAT CAN I DO TO EASE YOUR BURDEN? YOU HELP ME WITH EVERY ASPECT OF MY LIFE! YOU ARE MY LEADER, MY INSPIRATION, MY ROLE MODEL! I WROTE YOU AN ESSAY DURING HERBOLOGY!" Ron shrieked, hurling himself at Harry's feet. "I brought that bowl that you spit in once when you kissed me and the droplet of spittle is beautiful! Just like every aspect! YOU CAN EVEN TOUCH IT IF IT HELPS WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL ARRAY OF HUMBLE AND SELF-CONFIDENCE!"

"I'm sorry, I don't speak muffin," grumbled Draco. "And Snape, you know you couldn't be stupider than to put all of the Death Eater yearbook pictures up on the walls?"

"Is that marshmallow Yaxley?" asked Blaise, squinting at the giant obese marshmallow animagus in the moving picture. It was eating a French fry, and forced another photo to levitate a HappyMeal with a quarter pounder towards its looming mouth. "He's fatter than last time!"

"Yaxley thought it increased his sexy appeal and wanted to be lazy and forced _me_ to bring him his frivolous fat, when really oolong tea will be much more helpful!" Snape shrieked, and hastily dug in his desk, then popped a tablet into his mouth.

"Lemon drop-based or Zoloft?" Lavender asked. "Zoloft is so awesome! I used to be all depressed and then I took it and now I'm like Wah! Life rocks! Wh-hoo! If you think about it lemon drops are stupid, but really the world is full of them and totally unoriginal whereas Zoloft . . ." Lavender leered in, a smile pasted on her face as she looked at her teacher with the Pansy perspective.

"SILENCE!" Snape shrieked, as Draco and Blaise roared with laughter.

"HARRY EXPLAIN THE JOKE TO ME O WISE ONE WHO LIVED! YOU ARE THE SMARTEST WIZARD ALIVE AND I WILL SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU AND EVEN THOUGH I DON'T UNDERSTAND I KNOW YOU AND YOUR GREAT COMPASSION WILL LOVE ME BECAUSE OF YOUR FABULOUS LEVEL OF KINDNESS AND GENEROSITY!" Ron finished his rant, and flailed about in his seat, having been Silencio-ed by an infuriated Goth. Draco nearly fell off his chair as Ron mouthed I love you and held up a huge glossy sign.

"This is not a laughing matter, gentlemen," Snape hissed, and hexed Harry's eyeliner so it didn't drip in a Goth-tastic teardrop-like way. Harry almost blushed, then stopped his display of emotion (un-Goth-tabulous!) and quickly applied more pancake foundation.

"Homie who's that hot chick with the sicko hair that just stops me in my path like a friki friki fresh halo yo!" Goyle rapped, swinging his gold dollar bling with every word.

Everyone looked at the picture, where a moving girl with enviously volumized Garnier Fructis-induced blonde hair and giant blue eyes that smiled down at the world. Her makeup was stamped on, but kept simple with pink lip gloss and blush.

"Hey that girl is from one of those modeling sessions with the cone bra Lucius Draco's dad did! Oh wait, so would that make it a guy?" Blaise, oblivious to Draco's rushed elbowing.

Crabbe, Ginny, and Goyle roared with laughter. Ron and Lavender didn't get it and Harry cut himself with a plastic knife, but managed to not pass out. RESIST THE PAIN! His eyes watered but he'd tried to look Goth and unimpressed with all his might. Parvarti wearily explained it to the two resident idiots, while Blaise used his binder as a shield again.

"What you want to elope with my dad now Goyle?" said Draco sharply, and the giggles petered out ("Who is this Peter? Does he pose a threat to Harrykins?" Shut up, Ron), especially as Snape's grease inched closer and closer to their faces, his pimples clearly visible against his pale skin.

"Have some soup, Ginny," said Snape, a sick smile plastered on his face.

"Gladly!" said Ginny, taking a spoon. With any luck, she'd get poisoned and join Hermione in the hospital wing.

"Um, Ginny?" Pansy eyed her. This was why Slytherins were so much better! Who would take a random can of soup to someone who hated them with passionate animosity? Obviously, only Ginny after a hyper rush.

But Ginny already had the spoon clenched in her teeth. Blaise held his breath and attempted to tackle Snape as she didn't move for an instant. Draco held Blaise back, but watched as Ginny's navy blue eyes rolled back into her head.

The effect was instantaneous. It was as if time stopped. Ginny upturned the tables and potions and hot soup went flying at Snape's pimples, causing them to explode. Ron, in a muffin-like attempt at bravery (failure), pushed himself in front of Harry to defend him, only to wail under the table once again. Pansy shrieked and pushed Lavender in front of her. But Lavender tripped, flying into a huge love potion that smelled suspiciously like feet. Draco opened the door to let a stunned Hermione in, and used her as a weapon against the love potion and explosions.

"THAT WAS SUGAR SOUP!" Snape cackled. "I have created it as a distraction to find out a way to recruit you all to the Death Eaters! Go DEs!"

"Do I have to wear a cone bra?" grunted Draco as Ginny pushed him out of her way to tackle Snape.

"I think he over-indulged in that anti-depression stuff," Lavender whispered to Parvarti.

"You think?" said Parvarti, kicking Snape in the face with a karate move.

"Nice moves, homie h!" Crabbe said, putting his arm around her, as she grinned smugly in the middle of the commotion.

"_LEVITATIUS SLEEPOVIUS!" _shrieked Snape, and his wand nearly flew out of his hand as they were deported to a strange distant cave, in the heart of the Forbidden Forest.

"Welcome to Camp Happy Funtimes!" Snape said, and nearly smiled. Lavender shrieked, and searched his pockets for Zoloft . . . again.

"Ten points for creativity!" Ginny gave him a thumbs-up, having been fed her rehab medicine from Hermione, and sat on Blaise's lap.

"Three hundred points from Gryffindor!" Snape snarled. "With what you just caused you might even be expelled!" He giddily pranced around the cave. Lavender cheered as the anti-depressants began to lose effect.

"It clearly states in the handbook that . . ." Hermione proceeded to flip through _Hogwarts, A History _only to be cut off by Malfoy.

"Shut up, Granger," Malfoy said looking at her with smoldering eyes. Hermione stayed strong, knowing he was testing his sexiness.

"Leave me alone, redblood," Hermione snarled, about to turn back to Ginny, until discovering the make-out session going on.

"I'll leave you be!" Snape smirked and cackled. "Be back in the morning and remember that I EAT DEATH! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!" His bat like cape descended out behind him as he flew out of the cave, his dandruff spraying Draco like a faucet.

"Truth or dare?" Ginny shrieked, and to Blaise's dismay, she leapt off his lap. "Who's first?"

"Malfoy!" Hermione screamed at the exact time Draco screeched "Granger!"

I heard Malfoy first," Ginny said. "But I'll take pity on you and all you have to do is ask _me _the dare of my choice!"

"Um, that's so _not _how you play the game!" Pansy said. "I vote we slaughter Crabbe and Goyle for food! WHO'S WITH ME?" Everyone looked impressed and was about to draw their HappyMeal plastic torches when Ginny burst their bubbles (hilariously cliché!)

"I already did," Ginny said. "Don't worry I fixed them back though until we're hungry again. Draco I can't believe you didn't bring any food!"

"Just eat each other like you said because you are always right, unlike me, since I am a stupid bouncing ferret that does not deserve a friend as wonderful as you," Draco rolled his eyes as he repeated the speech Ginny made him say.

"Hahahaha," laughed Lavender deliriously, having overdosed in Snape's new entire serving of Zoloft. "But we'd be cannibalistic!"

"Not Ron," Draco snickered, recovering from his humiliation. "But sure Ginny, what's your stupid dare?"

"We play Spin the Bottle," said Ginny, to many gasps, withdrawing a plastic pink Gatorade bottle. "You're going to pay, Malfoy." A wicked gleam infiltrated her eyes.

"Ooo feisty!" said Blaise, and Ginny pulled his head down to hers, and they began making out. With her other hand, she spun the bottle.

"Blech," Malfoy wrinkled his nose as the bottle hit him. "Whatever, blood traitor. Let's get this over with."

But they didn't. This was mainly because they were both insane (Draco a wannabe evil dictator and Ginny a sugar addict) and because they were both obsessed with kissing. Hermione's jealousy threatened to come out, but she tamed herself, remembering that her crush was a complete and utter secret.

Finally, they departed, of course wearing (fake? real?) looks of disgust on their faces, and Draco spun the Gatorade bottle, drops flicking in every one's direction.

It landed on Goyle. Blaise looked like he was about to die from sucking in his laughter.

"No way! What if someone had a camera?" Draco looked indignant as Goyle rushed towards him, then pulled back looking disappointed.

"Are you kidding me? Sore loser!" Ginny clucked. "You're hurting Crabbe's feelings!"

"I'm Goyle dawg, freak!" Goyle said, biting his lip to keep from crying. His evil dictator didn't want him in his empire!

"Shut up, Ron," Draco snarled, and Goyle crept back, wary now that he'd been muffin-style insulted.

"You have to!" Lavender giddily bounced up and down. "It's in the antique handbook of Spin the Bottle!" Lavender blew a giant fleck of dust off of a book.

"You read?" Parvarti looked at her, puzzled.

"No, duh, I hired someone to read it for me," Lavender rolled her eyes at even the thought of reading.

"DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!" Ginny chanted, her eyes bugging out of her head, even though her lips were preoccupied with Blaise's.

"Fine," Draco screamed, and gave Goyle a quick peck on the lips, quickly withdrawing and gulping as if he had just been underwater for an hour. Parvarti nearly fainted and had to be steadied by a Pansy who was screaming "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DUMPED ME FOR THAT TOAD!"

"Play nice," Ginny said.

"Blaise take the bottle," Draco wiped his lips and tossed the bottle towards his friend.

"Just so you guys know, I can only kiss Ginny," Blaise said, withdrawing his lips for just a small second. "So Ginny and I really shouldn't play this . . ."

A chorus of "Come on!"s and "Not fair!"s came from the guys and girls alike, as they eyed the couple's perfection.

"Aw come on Blaisey!" Ginny eyed him. "Don't you want to experiment with other people?"

"No," said Blaise, and Ginny, with a coy smile and eye roll, twisted the bottle for Blaise.

But something strange happened. Just as the bottle was about to land on a nearly squealing Parvarti, the bottle seemed to have gotten a second wind and pointed towards Draco . . . again. Hermione was sure she was the only one who saw Ginny take out her wand and mutter an incantation under her breath. Obviously, Ginny was totally afraid that Blaise might dump her for exoticly pretty Parvarti, glamorous Lavender, slutty Pansy, or even Hermione's newfound dorky-chic style.

"IF I GET PICKED AGAIN I'M HEXING SOMEONE INTO OBLIVION!" Draco screamed and attempted to give Blaise another Goyle style peck but was locked into a major makeout by Blaise who finally let go when he couldn't breathe anymore. Draco was so embarrassed he hid under a random rock that looked like a magic 8 ball.

"HERMIONE'S TURN!" Pansy and Parvarti high-fived.

"OooooOOOO, maybe you'll end with Draco!" Lavender smiled overenthusiastically and waggled her perfectly plucked eyebrow.

Hermione's eyes crossed as Ginny, as if in slo-mo raised a perfectly manicured red fingernail to the pink Gatorade bottle. It spun in a blur and it landed across the circle, on a hot blonde ferret next to Blaise.

"Draco," Hermione said breathlessly, then catching herself she said harshly. "Malfoy."

"Hermione Granger what will the teachers think?" Draco said, using a purposely fake-sounding voice.

"Of what? Dating a hot bad boy like you?" Hermione's breath sped up, and she wondered what had been in that medicine Madame Pomfrey had given her.

Draco looked startled, but quickly pulled in, his mouth delicately pressing against hers. But she pushed further in a move that surprised even herself. They began kissing very graphically, and Hermione felt a sense of pleasure she had never understood before.

Draco was internally gasping for air, but her lips felt too good to stop. He couldn't even bring himself to look at Blaise or think about his mystery girlfriend.

Both of them stopped these horrible thoughts at the exact same time, and withdrew their lips from each other with a blush, stepping a respectful ten inches away from each other.

The audience held their breath, and even Ginny and Blaise were staring at the couple, wondering whether they were really starting to like each other.

"MALFOY! YOU INSOLENT FERRET! SOON YOU'LL WISH THAT YOU WERE DEAD! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT! YOU JUST ROBBED ME OF ALL OF MY DIGNITY AND YOUR IQ IS OBVIOUSLY LOWER THAN HUMANLY POSSIBLE OR YOU WOULD KNOW THAT I, HERMIONE GRANGER, INTEND TO FIGHT BACK!" Hermione screamed, pretending not to enjoy that sensation at all. Hermione nearly kicked him, but he dodged her shoe just in time.

Malfoy just stared at her with a quirky smile on his face. "I was under the impression that you quite liked that."

They hesitated, then loomed back in. Lavender made an aw and even Ginny looked touched.

Hermione and Draco looked passionately furious with each other as they continued to make out.

But just then, a brief pause came to the group. Draco clutched Hermione's hand protectively and even Crabbe managed to shield Parvarti.

Debris and rubble rained down from the surface of the cave. It was nearly an earthquake, and just as Ginny nearly took Blaise for cover, a figure dropped through the gaping hole in the cave.

It was a female Death Eater, with a mask to prove it.

"Dad?" Draco broke free from Hermione, staring at the double-D figure known as Lucius Malfoy.

"I'm sorry that it turned out this way," Lucius grunted dramatically, removing his mask to prevent split ends. "But the modeling agency is on its way, and this time GARNIER WILL NEVER SURRENDER! BWAHAHAHAHA!"

* * *

**A/N: SUSPENSE!!! Also, mucho apologies about the randomness. Would you like this to lean more towards serious or humor? Respond! Voldy commands you!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Advice!**

My story is completely stuck, as is my other one. If anyone has any suggestions please review! I'm exhausted right now for no apparent reason, especially since it's only 8, so I have no energy for hyperness. Instead I will just beg in caps lock PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I really don't want to have to discontinue this story or my other one.


End file.
